Second child, restless child


Take me away from here

The words fill me with wanderlust. They make my brain dance with possibility. I want to chase all the U-hauls down the street to see where they’re going, because I want to go too.

Five years and five states later, a new bumper on my car, a few less anxieties and a lot more memories will bring me back to the place I started.

When I prayed a dangerous prayer six or seven years ago, I told God not to make my life look like the rest and it’s never been the same since. Now I have roamed both coasts of the United States, but like Bono, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

What is it that deep down that I really want?

 I narrow my eyes to focus in on the desire: “To be known.” All I really ever want people to say about me is “there is not one else like you.” It is the highest praise anyone could give.

I was born the restless second child, fiercely independent and chafing against my small town upbringing. I’ve always possessed this deep sense that the wild of the unknown was calling me to join it. Have you ever felt that you’re just one adventure away from finding out what you’re really made of?

Living my twenties in a state of perpetual transition has felt like one big breath held in. I’m finally starting to exhale, to slow down, to make permanent and risky decision to buy things like furniture and baking sheets. I don’t want to say “settle down” because I’m 28 not 82.

What I know is that somewhere between the angst and wonder of this season, I’ve learned that all things in our path are potentials, but we only get one choice and the power to choose is sacred. I’m done wasting time wondering what the outcome could have been on the other side of the fence. So much of our deepest satisfaction comes from working hard to make our decisions work, because we have thrown in our lot wholeheartedly.

I’m done drawing boxes around my destiny when I know chasing after God’s purpose has more to do with my heart than the setting of where my life takes place.

Choose what you choose, and get after it with heart

The problem is rarely that we choose wrong. It’s that we live as passionless victims to circumstance. That kind of life is not an option for me. When faced with a decision, don’t fear a mistake. It’s a better thing to make the mistake than to fear living.