What is "single with a happy heart?"

When I started this blog, back before it was called "Single with a Happy Heart" believe it or not,  I had little interest in writing on the topic of singleness. Writing for singles was a pigeonhole I didn't want to find myself in, and here is the main reason why:

Sharing about your heartbreaks on the internet is vulnerable.

Yep, that's it. I'm scared to share my real life experiences with you on a blog, and based on the unkind things people say on the internet, I should be. 

But late last year, I read Donald Miller's book: "Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Acquiring a Taste for True Intimacy." Something shifted when I read this line from his book:

I am willing to sound dumb. I am willing to be wrong. I am willing to be passionate about something that isn’t perceived as cool. I am willing to express a theory. I am willing to admit I’m afraid. I’m willing to contradict something I’ve said before. I’m willing to have a knee-jerk reaction, even a wrong one. I’m willing to apologize. I’m perfectly willing to be perfectly human.
— Don Miller

This affirmation made me start to warm up to the idea of discussing relationships and singleness more openly. Why? Because it gave me the permission I needed to not get everything right 100 percent of the time.

And let me tell you, some days, I just don't get it right.

But once I realized I had the permission to be imperfect, it was a game-changer.  I could be single and have a happy heart without having it all together! And that is what I really wanted most of all.

So what is "Single with a Happy Heart" anyways?

1. "Single with a happy heart" means handling imperfections with grace.

We all have our weird things that make people love us, or even run away from us. It's part of being human on a vast spectrum of personalities that God created. If we were all the same, life would be a total bore.

The downside to the personality spectrum in dating is that some people are looking through a very narrow lens of what they want, and one day, you will come along with all of your "you-ness" and you won't be what they expect or maybe what they think they want.

So you'll get rejected. Possibly a lot. And it will hurt like hell, because you feel like someone is looking and you and saying "You're just not worth it". Let me tell you, the only worse feeling in the world than that is pretty much, death.

But hear me out on this:

Being free from the expectations of pleasing others will give you the kind of life you have always wanted. Because you can't be anything beautiful when you're trying to be something you are not. Please trust me on this.

I would venture to say that there is nothing more difficult, or disheartening than going on a date and having someone look you in the eye and say: "I had a nice time, but I think I'm looking for something different." But what's worse is morphing into someone else's narrow crafted expectations just so you can fit the mold. That's certainly not going to bring you the sense of wholeness or belonging you desire.

2. "Single with a happy heart" celebrates the belief that in time, the sad things about your story will become untrue.

Believing that heartbreak is love's exception to the rule is an absolute requirement for single living with a happy heart. It is much easier to face rejection, or even despair, when we hold onto the notion that love is still alive and well and worth fighting for. In fact, it allows us to fully come to grips with heartbreak as "temporary" and not the end of our story.

Comfort comes not from knowing that you are one in a sea of heartbreaks, but that heartbreak has made you dangerous to disappointment.

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Somewhere down the line, someone will see you as the rare gem that you are, and when it happens, and you are at peace with yourself enough to see it first, the sad things about love and heartbreak will begin to unravel for you. And it will be a gorgeous testament to what you have hoped for all along, but have not yet seen.  In the meantime, trust the process.

3. "Single with a happy heart" champions emotional health and growth.

Relationships are a two way street, and we should all be working on becoming the kind of person we want to be with. If we want to be in an emotionally healthy relationship, we must practice being emotional healthy ourselves. This means becoming intimately familiar with our strengths and weaknesses. 

Discovering areas where we can improve requires not only self-awareness but humility. We need friends and family who can give us honest feedback and help us work on our growth points. 

There's nothing better than having a network of relationships that are teaching us to be healthy people before we get into a relationship. One of the hardest, most necessary seasons of life can be singleness, not because we are alone, but because we are facing things about ourselves that are hard to see.

While that may not sound appealing to you, I promise that it will be worth it in the end. You will know and trust yourself better. You will get into less relationships that you really shouldn't be in. And you will grow into a more attractive, well-rounded, all around healthy person to date. And that my friends, is a goal we should be striving for!

If you like the sounds of this journey we are on, join the "Single with a Happy Heart" tribe by signing up for email updates! You'll get my free eBook: "Have a Doughnut, Let's Talk About Heartbreak." And you won't be disappointed. Cross my heart.